Welcome back my readers :)
It has been a while since my lastest post, but now I have a new post for you that gonna be useful for improving your writing skills especially for those of you who preparing IELTS test. And, let's check out my new post about IELTS Writing Task - Describing A Line Graph.
You can watch the video first and then read about my line graph description. Don't forget to leave a comment. Thank you :)
PLANNING STAGE
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Time/tense
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2011 – 2014 / Simple Past
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Topic
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Number of students who visited some tourism destinations
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General comment
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Paris – increased, then decreased
London – increased
Rome – fluctuated
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Details
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The number of students who visited Paris increased first, but then decreased. Similar to Paris, but Rome experienced downward trend. Meanwhile, students who visited London was consistently increased.
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The line graph gives information about the number of visiting students who came to Paris, London, and Rome since 2011 until 2014.
As seen from the graph above, the number of students who visited Paris was not consistent, while Rome has fluctuated considerably throughout the period but then experienced a downward trend at the end of the period. Meanwhile, there was a steady increase in the number of students who came to visit London.
At the beginning of the year, there was an increase in the number of students who visited Paris, until the year of 2012 at around 14,000 students. Then, it rose significantly until the year of 2013 with 20,000 students. Unfortunately, in 2014, it dropped dramatically at approximately 18,000 students.
Similar to Paris, during the year between 2011 and 2012, the number of students who visited Rome fell sharply at approximately 12,000 students. But, it experienced a rapid surge, as the number of visitors increased with 18,000 students. Furthermore, there was a slightly decreased until 2014, with only 16,000 students.
Lastly, the number of students who visited London slightly increased as it moved slowly until the year of 2013 at around 17,000 students. But, as the year goes by, it experienced an upward trend showing by the steady movement until 2014 with about 19,000 students.
21 comments:
Hi handi! Your writing is so well written and very detailed. You are so good at explaining the data that it is easy to understand the whole information. I don't think there are some grammatical errors on your writing. Keep up the good work!
Hi, Handi! You did a really good job and your writing is really nice to read. I don't find any error in your writing and I have nothing to suggest. Keep it up!
Hand, you did a really hood job and your writing skill is no doubt. But, please put the pic of your line graph Handi. GREAT!!!!
hello Handi!
I personally think your kind of academic writing is good since you mention all the necessary things about the trend in the graphic. well done! keep improving your skill of writing;)
Hello, Dear!
I've read your report carefully and I didn't find any grammatical or typing error. You are very good in describing this line graph. I really think that you made it very carefully even you asked me about the maximum words. I don't think the number of words that you used were too much ;)
Hence, you did a great hard work, Honey. Keep it up ;)
Dear, Handi.
I've read all your writing and I do like it so much. It's well structured and quite easy to understand. I think there is nothing I want to correct since you've minded your words and grammar so well. Good job and keep it up, Handi :)
Hello, Handi. Your description is really good indeed! You used the transition words on each beginning of paragraphs, and the chosen words are just great! KEEP IT UP!
Hi handi,
I think from 20,000 to 18,000 is not drop dramatically so you can change the word becomw slightly.
And since 2011, it's better if you say from 2011
Dear Handi
Your description is great, i like it. But personally i think there are too much paragraphs in this context, which in my opinion you can shorten it or combine it.
Overall it is awesome. Keep up the good work!!
Hi Handi! Thank you for comment my article with our personal problem��
By the way your commentator are already enough for the minimum revision, and they comment by their heart. Because of my opinion about your writing has already mentioned by them, so I just want to say goodluck babe ❤
Hello Handi... ❤️ . Your description is great already. You have chose the words wisely so that it can makes the reader feel calm while they are reading yours ❤️. Keep that up! :)
Dear Handi,
You've written good paragraphs. I'm amazed by your English skill. You nearly made it perfect. However, I think the phrase 'there was a slightly decreased' should be:
1. there was a slight decrease
or
2. it slightly decreased
That's from me. Keep the good work up!
Warmest regards,
Dear Handi, your graph description is well structured. This is such a nice content added to your blog, I hope you can add more stuffs about IELTS prep, because there's a lot of people might need it. Stay cool!
Woaaa you describe it such a pro jegeg bali 2020
I can understand it easily and too damn difficult to find the mistake
Since the experts 👆 already mention what I wanna say
The suggestion from me is just "visitors increased with 18,000 students" much better i think if you change it to be "visitors increased by reaching 18,000 students."
Regards
Dwen 😘
Haii handi!!!
You did it well✌ i understand it easly what you want to share to us.
Keep improving✌
Hi Handi! I have read your writing. Your writing is so well written and easy to understand. But i have a suggestion for you that you may change the word of “To” instead of “Until” in 1st paragraph. Keep it up!
Hi, Handi
You have done a great job in describing the graph as I easily can understand it.
I just want to give advice, maybe you can describe more about what was changed (decrease or increase) on "the number of students who visited Paris was not consistent" in the second paragraph because the word 'consistent' may cause a misunderstanding as a fluctuation.
Overall, well done
Hi, Handi! it turns out my comment is not posted yet. I do agree with Luisa's comment. Avoid that, its prfect! good luck!
Dear, Handi.
As I visited your blog when the comments already delivered. I just want to express my compliment toward your writing. Overall it is clear enough and hope you make it into the point. Well done~
Thank you so much for all the comments that have been given by you guys, my smart readers :) So, below is my revision that I made after reading your comments. Hope you guys like it !!!
The line graph gives information about the number of visiting students who came to Paris, London, and Rome since 2011 until 2014.
As seen from the graph above, the number of students who visited Paris was not consistent, as it increased first, then decreased, while Rome has fluctuated considerably throughout the period but then experienced a downward trend at the end of the period. Meanwhile, there was a steady increase in the number of students who came to visit London.
At the beginning of the year, there was an increase in the number of students who visited Paris, until the year of 2012 at around 14,000 students. Then, it rose significantly until the year of 2013 with 20,000 students. Unfortunately, in 2014, it dropped slightly at approximately 18,000 students.
Similar to Paris, during the year between 2011 and 2012, the number of students who visited Rome fell sharply at approximately 12,000 students. But, it experienced a rapid surge, as the number of visitors increased with 18,000 students. Furthermore, there was a slight decreased until 2014, with only 16,000 students.
Lastly, the number of students who visited London slightly increased as it moved slowly until the year of 2013 at around 17,000 students. But, as the year goes by, it experienced an upward trend showing by the steady movement until 2014 with about 19,000 students.
:):):)
Hi,Handi,WOW，I have to say this chart describe is really great,the analysis is very clear,Good luck！
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